Learning to Expect the Unexpected

Three things have me thinking of late about the state of being "expectant" -

1. Standards, norms, and generalizations related to cancer and treatment

2. Human behavior, friendship, and true "gifts"

3. Mathematical odds

From the beginning of my treatment, once I knew what the regimen would be, I sought answers.  From the Internet, the pile of books beside my bed (I should have stock in Amazon), my virtual pink sisters, several real life pink sisters, and, of course, my oncology team.  

• What are the possible side effects?
• When will they start/how long will they last?
• What are the chances I'll experience them?

I have my lists.

Adriamycin and Cytoxan were the beasts (recall the "red devil" :v ?)

Nonetheless, my go with A/C was relatively mild, at least compared to others - of course it's all relative when you're in the hot seat! 

And, despite being told otherwise, my online PSs were having a rough go with Taxol!!!???

I sympathized, but knew it would be different for me.  Afterall, I'm staying active, following protocol, handling things in stride (mostly)...

Plus, my oncologist said 2/3 of folks do better on T than A/C :tup

The Pacific yew tree

Click HERE to see what makes this tree so special.

Crazy, huh???

Round #1 of T was a week ago...

I'm obviously the 1/3 :P

Pain meds have again become my friend, not so much the Pacific yew tree!

I do have a strategy for next round, and I'll keep my fingers crossed.

But I'm learning to expect the unexpected.

Human behavior isn't always predictable, but there are patterns.

In this fast-paced world we sometimes forget about others and become singly focused on our own lives and issues.  I had a couple of pity parties last week, and even my last blog post exuded a "woe is me" message.  I'd forgotten who was in charge and that He knows what's up, how I feel, and... well, everything!

My mom reminded me that we often miss His answers when we're too stubborn or self-absorbed:

So I was, once again, reminded of His love, and the presence of special people in my life this week.  I've REALLY been wanting a massage but have been scared since my breast surgery and while going through chemo (lymphedema, port issues, etc.).  I finally asked my doctor, and he said, "Sure!"  Of course I was told to go to someone I knew who would listen to my needs.  So, after my shot last Thursday, I headed toward Lawrenceville to speak in person with a therapist I've gone to several times. On the way I passed a new spa I'd seen advertised alongside my chiropractor's office in a local publication.  It was closer, so I thought I'd stop by.  As I walked toward the entrance of the spa I was spotted by the wife of my chiro in the office next door who waved, so I went in to say "hi."
Long-story-short, the spa is affiliated with their office, and a girl on staff is trained in oncological massage!!!  Hallelujah :e

Had my wonderfully relaxing massage on Monday, went to pay, and this angel friend :angel comped my visit.  What a gift.  Blessed I am! 

Finally, the math and genetics of it all.  

A roll of the dice would predict that if I have the BRCA gene, and precious daughter and dear brother do NOT, then awesome son's chances are tenuous at best.

Well, chances be damned!!!  

The passing of the vicious mutation stops with ME :mj

Awesome son does NOT have the BRCA mutation!!!

We batted 750 with this one!

I could actually learn to LIKE the unexpected!

Expect picture from: http://bugsinheaven.com/images/articlepics/expect.jpg
Dice picture from: http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Music/Pix/pictures/2010/10/21/1287678943374/Rolling-dice-006.jpg
Ball and bat picture from: http://www.math.louisville.edu/newsletters/newsletterMar00/Image8.gif

"Celebrating" the Halfway Point

Actually I'm not celebrating, at least not in any truly EXCITING way ;-)

Hubby and I had planned to attend the Braves game last night - Breast Cancer Awareness/Celebration of Survivorship - free ticket for me, cheap one for him, lower level seats, meet and greet on the patio, pre-game walk out/recognition on the field...
and a t-shirt to boot!

Alas, my counts are in the pits - again - and, after warnings about contamination from my adoring mother, and questions/comments from hubby such as:
"Who will walk Cooper?"
"You know that's Cooper's 'time'."
... I made the decision NOT to go :(

He's mastered the pitiful look

To top it off, precious daughter AND awesome son were there!!!

• GCSU Kappa Delta "Braves Date Night" 
• Last-minute ticket from a friend with connections (awesome son called hubby from the "Club" \m/ )

I had big plans to take a picture in my CRAP shirt at the stadium - so it will have to be a Stone Mountain hike after all ;)

So...
I've been reflecting on what it means to be "halfway".
I tend to fluctuate between being an optimistic "glass half full" sort of person and a questioning, doubting, depressingly pessimistic "why me?" sort.

Some days I feel truly victorious, like I've really accomplished something.  Those days I'm full of boundless energy (yes, that's when you SEE me dear colleague ;) ), I busy around, accomplish tons, and hardly notice the "C".

Other days... not so much.  Some have asked about the "Hs" - they're back :@  Not with a vengeance like before, but bothersome nonetheless.  And I've got mouth sores - AGAIN!  Makes it hard to talk - hubby's certainly glad of THAT - and eat, thought I've somehow managed to keep my weight on ;)

H-A-L-F-W-A-Y

WOW!!!  Look what I've accomplished :e 

Yet it's still hard to read some of my earlier posts.

Then someone will ask, "Are you done with your treatments?"  No, 4 to go, 8 more weeks.
EIGHT MORE WEEKS!!!???  REALLY???
So then I feel the weight of this fight.
Wednesday is my first round of Taxol.

No, I'm not complaining - not much anyway.

Just trying to get motivated for the push to the finish line :tup

And I have a new project once my treatment is over!!!

Beautiful sister-in-law shared it with me:

http://karinstack.com/hs/hair.html

Hugs to all - Happy Sunday!

The Other Side... of a Bump in the Road

Front of card from a dear friend :h

A few other things that really made me SMILE last week

Balloons from my Bestie :)

Time with my Precious Daughter <3

Cooper literally STANDING on top of Awesome Son xD

AND...

'nuff said :tup

Of course Precious Daughter and I think THIS vintage mojo contributed to the victory! 

(Sorry dawgie fans - but I REALLY hope you beat the game chickens ;) )

So,

• Surgery was a success :)
• Counts were UP today :)
• Round #4 is in the books :)
• NO MORE :v !!!

Next Wednesday will mark the halfway point in my treatment!

    :e     :party     :e     :party     :e     :party     :e

I saw the COOLEST thing in the chemo suite this morning.  The nurses all surrounded a patient who was DONE with her chemo regimen and sang :tone :tone :tone to her!!!  Is was so AWESOME - they even harmonized!  I can't wait for my turn (I'll record it and share :tup).

Oh, I nearly forgot!!! (not really) ANOTHER :) for the week:

Dear Brother's BRCA test was NEGATIVE!!!    

  :tup     :e     :tup 

Awesome Son came in with us this morning and had his blood drawn.  I'm counting on a 75% negative return on my genetic investment ;)

Now it's off to fight the side effects of another round...

I've been TOLD that the SEs from Taxol (my next set of 4 treatments) are not quite as bad (except for the rigged, black, falling off nails! - but that's just SOME people :i  )

The thought I'll close with was shared by an :angel supporter and encourager:

Hugs to all of you who've been following my journey :h

Just another bUMp in the road!